You Watched

You watched me burn. You watched me die in that fiery pit of anguish. You watched me tear apart my ribcage and reveal the still-beating muscle mass within. You watched me try countless times to pull myself from that pit of horrors that held me down. You watched my writhing mass beg for an end to the focus-less, empty life I had obtained.

You watched and did nothing.


They Say

They say times are hard, but they’re not as hard as the concrete floors I’ve slept on, or the walls of the subways I’ve begged in, or my heart after you abandoned me.

They say things become better – and they might.
But it won’t be the same as it was.


I am glad for his nearness.

His presence soothes my restless mind and reminds me that I am not alone. I must only inch my hand across these sheets to find the reassuring solidity of his body. Without this reassurance, I am liable to careen down a corridor of dark thoughts that shock even me.

How low I have fallen, to be fearful of my own thoughts, to be incapable of finding solace or silence in the spacious cavern of my mind. And sleep. Sleep never graces my loud consciousness with its gentle, drug-like allure.

When I am alone, I am always plagued with dark wishes that are not my own. Thus I have decided to not be alone whenever possible. That is why he is here, lying on my bed. I must be careful though. I might uwittingly consider killing him.

And follow through with it.

Just like I did with the others.